Actually

Heard that you were flying away
to a corner of the world
where the apartments were filled
with ghosts of people
who pretended they were dead
because they got more than what they wanted
and they were tired of people
who pretended they were alive,
but before you go,

I just,
I wanted to,
um, also,

heard that you were allergic to words
and that numbers were more your thing
and I wondered
if you ever considered
the other things that could be your thing,
that time could be more
than asymptotes and facebook statuses,
and I wondered
if you could be more,
well, more than that,

because I just,
I wanted to,

let you know that I
heard what your grandfather said to you,
heard that he said
"I am sorry for being old,
I am sorry for leaving you;
when you're older, you will understand"
but did you hear that yourself,
did you listen at all
if only to the numbers
that you kept close
to keep the words at bay,
the numbers that spoke to you
more often than you spoke with him,
your grandfather, I mean,

truthfully,
I just wanted to,
um,
actually,
I think that you're

snoring too loudly,
yes, that's it,
I was in the front seat and I
heard you
as we drove to the airport,
heard you talking in your sleep
and watched you scratching your neck
with your eyes closed
because you didn't want to see
because you were scared
of being old and of understanding
and that's why you were flying away
because your solace is not here
and not here
is your home

so I'm telling you:

I thought you should know
that just because you don't capitalize your letters
doesn't mean that what you're writing is poetry,
that you're older now,
but nobody expects you to understand,
that it's okay,

that if you listened,
you'd know,

I, um,
I think,
maybe,
I just wanted to tell you,

is just another way of saying goodbye.